Day at the Sea Cave
by Warrioroftheseventhstar
Summary: Oneshot involving Sakura and some Akatsuki. There is Deidara torture, Kisame beating, Kakuzu money hording, Tobi-ness, and Hidan. A bit of romance between Saku and Hida. Rated for LA,Sexual content, and violence. Not for little kiddies. Please R&R! Enjoy!


The winds of summer breathed gently across the sand as it lazed about. The waves laughingly reached for the sand as the sun glittered happily from the reflective surface. The jealous trees glared with green leaves at the peaceful scene playing in front of them.

Suddenly, the sand was sent flying through the wind as the sun stopped smiling. Deidara's laughter suddenly ripped through the scene, "I told you! Yeah! I told you the next minion that said I look like a girl would get blown up! Yeah! Did anyone care? No! They never care! Yeah! Who cares about Deidara's feelings? Yeah, He isn't human! Yeah! They can't get hurt! You know what? I should blow you up too! Yeah! Tobi, come here and hold the pretty clay bird, yeah."

Tobi bounced forward to retrieve the pretty white bird, "YAY! Deidara-sempai gave Tobi a pretty! Tobi is a Good Boy! Thank you, Deidara-sempai! Tobi will love it and feed it and name him George!"

Deidara was only able to contain the word he wanted to scream by sheer will. That sheer will didn't stop the twitching of his visible eye. Still twitching, Deidara commanded, "Tobi, yeah, go over to the group of people. Stay , No matter what."

Tobi looked at his Sempai in confusion. Why did Sempai want him to go over to the hated minions? Oh! He must want Tobi to show them the pretty bird, George! Tobi skipped over to the white masked, black cloaked figures, "LOOK! LOOK! MY SEMPAI MADE THIS! ISN'T IT PRETTY?"

Deidara smirked evilly and whispered one word, "Katsu."

Meanwhile, Tobi had allowed the minions to hold the white clay bird. Suddenly the bird chirped and exploded. Tobi shrieked and jumped back, "OH! Sempai! You nearly hurt Tobi! You must have planned it! Was that it? Tobi is a good boy! He helped Deidara-sempai get the creepy people!"

Deidara's eyes widened when he heard the annoying tenor voice. No one survived his art! When he saw the orange mask through the dust, Deidara groaned before walking over to a large boulder and banging his head against it. Tobi cocked his head to the side, "Why is Sempai hurting himself? Is it because Tobi is a good boy?"

Deidara glared at the hyper orange menace. His hands were already working to make another bird when a knife suddenly flew by his head. Recognizing the religious symbol, the blond turned, "Where are you, Hidan? Yeah."

The silver haired man popped up from behind one of the many boulders, "Could you shut up, idiot?"

Deidara's eyes widened. Hidan hadn't cussed. Hidan hadn't cussed! Hidan. Hadn't. Cussed! How was it possible? "You didn't cuss?"

Hidan looked angry for a moment before looking down, "Yeah. So what? I'm turning over a new leaf!"

Jumping over to Hidan, Deidara looked around, "Okay, where's the Meth? Yeah."

Hidan's purple eyes narrowed, "Why do you ask me that?"

Deidara looked up at Hidan, "Because a Hidan that isn't cursing is obviously high on some serious crap. Yeah."

A soft giggle sounded through the air, catching both men off guard. Deidara leaned over the rock a bit more before his eyes narrowed dangerously, "It's that witch that killed Sasori and got me stuck with the idiot! Yeah."

Hidan grabbed Deidara around the throat, "You looking at my girl?"

Deidara choked out, "I'm looking at that ugly, pink haired cow! Yeah."

Hidan growled, "I know you aren't talking about my woman that way!"

Deidara spat at Sakura only to be introduced to Hidan's fist, then his other fist, and finally his scythe. Deidara wanted to gasp for air, but any large movements and the scythe would cut him open. Hidan smirked, "I shall sacrifice your damn heathen flesh to Jashin!"

Sakura glared up at him. Hidan looked down at her sheepishly, "Sorry babe."

Sakura humphed, "You not getting any."

Hidan dropped Deidara in shock, "Come on, babe, that isn't far. He's begging for it! He was cruel to you, and you are mine so-"

"I am not yours, Hidan."

Hidan smirked, "Want a bet?"

"Sure."

His lips were on hers faster than the eye could see. His arms coiled around her waist possessively, and it was all Sakura could do to keep up. She kissed him back, but he continued to dominate the meeting of lips. Hidan's hands ran up and down her sides, feeling each intimate curve. The need to hold on to something forced Sakura's hands to tangle themselves in the silver locks of her lover. Hidan growled in pleasure and pried her willing mouth open. He swept into her warm cavern, searching for its secrets. It was Sakura's turn to groan as the man holding her showed just how talented he was without sharp weapons. The moment the feminine sound escaped her captured lips Hidan pulled away, his usual smirk plastered in place. Sakura leaned into his chest to catch her breath. Hidan looked down at his lover smugly, leaned down to her ear and licked it slowly. Sakura moaned softly into his chest, causing the man to release a deep chuckle.

A shiver of desire ran down Sakura's spine at the seductive sound. Hidan felt it but whispered into her ear softly, "You've been mine since Jashin showed you to me. Never forget just who you belong to, Cherry Blossom."

Blushing, Sakura lifted her pink head to look him in the eye, "I don't belong to you. I choose to be here."

Hidan chuckled again but didn't release her. He smiled down at her, "Go play in the water with Fish Face. I need to deal with the party girl."

Sakura looked over to where Kisame was relaxing on one of the many rocks scattered about in the surf. He was completely unaware of his surroundings. Sakura moved to leave Hidan's arms, before remembering just what he was most likely going to do.

"Don't kill him, or seriously maim him."

Hidan's eyes widened, "But baby, he was being annoying!"

Sakura's rolled her emerald eyes at his whining, "I didn't take a vacation, sneak away from the ANBU trailing me, find your rag tag group of imbeciles, and stay in a beach cave with said rag tag group just to spend all of my time healing blond maniacs. Understand?"

Hidan looked hopeful, "A little bit of blood?"

Sakura glared at her lover, "A bruise."

Hidan decided to haggle, "A bruise that ends up bleeding?"

Sakura shook her head in amusement, "A small cut."

"A medium cut."

"A small, deep cut."

"A medium deep cut."

"A few small, deep cuts." Deidara realized that the couple wasn't paying him any attention, so he started easing away and down the rocks.

"A lot of small, deep cuts."

"Hidan, just don't spill over a pint of blood."

"A pint and a half."

"A pint and a fourth. Final offer."

"Throw in a throat bruise, and we have a deal."

Sakura smiled at his sadistic behavior, "Fine. Have fun."

Hidan smirked evilly and looked down where Deidara was running for his life. The poor blond was working furiously to form one of his large clay birds. Hidan smiled back at Sakura, "That is a given, now go have fun getting wet and sandy." The Jashinist jumped down and began his pursuit of his next victim.

Sakura turned at stealthily walked over to the water, trying not to make any noise. Her shinobi training allowed her to swim all the way over to him without the Mist-nin suspecting anything. Looking up at his large prone form, Sakura lifted her hands slowly and splashed the shark man.

Kisame had know she was there from the moment her lithe little body had entered to sea. Did she really think it was possible to sneak up on him within the water? Had she lost her mind?

"Thanks for the cool down, Pinky."

Sakura glared up at him and pulled herself up onto the rock, "You know I hate that nick name."

Kisame didn't open his eyes, "What nickname, Pinky?"

Sakura suddenly developed a tick in her left eyes, "That nickname!"

Kisame sighed, "Listen, Pinky, for us to communicate you have to be very clear. In other words, if you keep making a scene I will throw you into the ocean and then Hidan will try to sacrifice me. I haven't used any nicknames for your, Pinky. I also have no desire to be sacrificed to any god. Real or not. Now either challenge me to a game or something, Pinky, or be very clear in what you are talking about. Got it, Pinky?"

Sakura took a few calming breaths before asking in a level voice, "I would like you to cease calling me 'Pinky', Kisame. Is that clear enough?"

Kisame lifted his large body until he was sitting before her, "But that is your name, Pinky."

Sakura sighed in frustration, "No it isn't."

"Yes, it is."

"No, it really isn't."

"Yes, it really is."

"Not it isn't, you blue brute!"

"Yes it is, you pink weakling!"

Kisame's eyes widened as his own words registered within his mind. He was so screwed.

Sakura's eyes were closed in rage. Her fists were clenched tightly. Her form had gone absolutely rigid.

"Sakura, I'm sor-"

He was cut off by a chakra enhanced punch to the jaw. The giant of a man was sent flying through the air, and crashed into Kakuzu. The covered man looked down at Kisame and only said one thing, "You crumpled my money, bastard!" Many black threads began to spill from Kakuzu's body to rap around the larger man's throat. Kisame tried to back away, but the thread only tightened its deadly grip on him. Kakuzu's oddly colored eyes were narrowed on his prey. Kisame tried to pry the deadly strings away, but luck had completely abandoned him that day. Thankfully, Sakura had just swam back to shore intent on finishing the job she had begun.

She walked slowly over to the fighting pair, though it was more like one guy mercilessly strangling another man who couldn't get a break that day. Sakura stopped by Kakuzu and glared over at Kisame. Never taking her eyes off of her prey, Sakura addressed the money lover, "He is mine."

Kakuza repeated his earlier statement. "The bastard crumpled my money!"

Sakura grabbed his arm, "I said he is mine! Let him go! He's going to die either way!"

Kisame was still trying to breathe unsuccessfully while Kakuzu considered the deal. Finally his deadly thread retracted back into his arm and the money lover went back to counting his stash, leaving the shark to be grilled. Sakura smiled darkly at Kisame who lay gasping in the sand. She walked over to him and the smile turned sweet. Bringing her leg back and pushing chakra into it, Sakura kicked Kisame in the rips, enjoying the cracks that filled the air. She leaned down to him, still smiling, "Never use the 'w' word with me from now on, or else I'll be eating little pieces of sushi. Understand?"

He nodded, praying to whatever Kami was listening that she would leave him to lick his wounds in peace. She stood up and left. Seemed someone was listening.

Sakura saw Itachi sitting by himself on the sand looking out at the waves, his eyes seeming to search for something over the glistening waters. Sakura walked over to him but stopped a few feet away, "What's wrong, Itachi?"

His black eyes slid over to her slowly and just watched her, "I don't have time to explain everything."

Sakura smiled bitterly, "The hierarchy knows."

His eyes seemed to widen just a fraction but it could have been a trick of the light, "Who cares?"

Sakura looked at him sorrowfully, "I care. I'm sorry that they did that to you."

Itachi turned back to the sea, "Life is a cruel teacher."

Sakura nodded, "It is, but sometimes it is for the best. Other times, it is for the worst."

Itachi shook his head, "Every life will experience a great tragedy. If they don't, they never know what a great miracle really feels like. Go and enjoy your small miracles, Sakura. You never know when an order will end it all."

Sakura felt bad for the man before her. He had worked so hard in his youth, only to be used and thrown away. He was a genius who the world had exiled into darkness. What kind of world do we have, when all of our hope is forced to hide within the dark?

The ninja turned away from the wronged man and left him to enjoy the small amounts of beauty that he could. She head a scream pierce the air and figured that Hidan had gotten tired of playing with his prey.

She was indeed right.

Hidan had pinned his prey to a tree, kunai's keeping the man in place while his hunter approached him slowly. Hidan smirked, "You really should have shut up sooner."

Deidara's blue eyes darted, looking for some way out of his situation, "Pink cow said no hurting me."

Hidan's eyes shown in fury, "Lesson one, pretty boy. When the damn enemy has you cornered, stop your girly bitching and take it like a good man. What, sorry. Forgot, you're not a damn man. You're a pussy." Hidan's scythe sliced across his victims cheek slowly, leaving a long bloody cut from his left ear to the man's chin. "You know the best damn thing? As long as I make her scream over and over, she doesn't give a damn what I do to your bitchy ass." Hidan prayed to Jashin to accept the blood before stabbing Deidara in his arm, just barely missing the bone.

Deidara screamed loudly in shock and pain. Hidan had never gotten this bad. "What'd I do that pissed you off so much?"

A psychotic laugh bubbled up from somewhere deep within Hidan's chest, "Your bitchy ass dared to insult my woman. That's a death wish. I'm just fulfilling the damned wish." With a smile, Hidan set back to work.

A few more stab wounds and blood flow later, Deidara was beginning to feel a black out coming on. Having killed and mutilated more than his fair share of people, Hidan reluctantly realized it was time to stop. He wiped the three blades off and took all of his kunai's back. After securing his weapons, Hidan picked the blond lump up from the ground and started lugging him back to the cave camp. Sakura was already fixing supper at the mouth. Hidan smiled at her and threw Deidara down, causing the victimized man to groan and wish that he could move. Sakura's eyes widened when she saw Deidara's state. She rushed over to him, hands already glowing.

Hidan just watched in sadistic pleasure as his woman revealed every single wound he had inflicted on the heathen. It didn't take her too long to get the pyromaniac mostly healed. He would keep superficial wounds and he'd remain unconscious for a day, but that's what happens when one insults the medic. Hidan was still smirking when Sakura stood up. He watched Deidara, so he missed her walking towards him with a glare. She reeled back and punched him in the arm. He flew back a few feet from the hit, though Hidan was surprised he didn't go airborne. The hit hadn't been infused with chakra, or he would have.

He lifted his head to look at her. Sakura was slightly winded from using so much chakra and not resting. She glared at Hidan, "I said a few deep cuts and some bruising. I didn't say anything about you stabbing him!"

Hidan smiled at her, trying to defuse the situation, "But, darling, they were just deep wounds. I'm sorry. That one on his inner thigh was a bit close to the femoral artery, but he is still alive. Everything is okay, love."

She snarled, "You aren't getting any for the rest of this trip."

Hidan groaned, "But darling, I haven't had you in so long. Who knows when we'll get to see each other again?"

Sakura hit him in the head and walked into the cave, "You should have considered that before you made me use so much chakra to save the idiot."

Hidan watched her walk away in sorrow. He wanted his little baby back.

He heard laughter in the background. Hidan turned angrily to see Kisame, Tobi, and Kakuzu collapsed in hysteria. He glared at them for a moment before the angry look melted away to reveal a sickening smile, "Hey, guys!"

The three looked up at him, but didn't stop laughing. He tried again, "Hey, turds!"

Kakuzu stopped laughing just long enough to glare at him, but that was the only response the immortal got. He finally walked over to the group of hysterical nin and smiled down at them, "You know, I have this serious history of being very, very possessive. To the point that I can't even let someone else look at what is mine."

The smile melted away as Hidan's skeleton form appeared, "And you Bastards have seen my Sakura in just that flimsy swimsuit! I have to sacrifice you all to Jashin!"

He swung his scythe at the group, but they had all jumped away at the last moment. Kisame couldn't resist baiting the immortal, "Yo, Zombie! Pinky sure is one fine looking woman. Tell her that when she gets sick of little….. guys, she's welcome to come over my way!"

Hidan screamed in rage and thus the chase began. The loser would be diced into ity bity pieces.

A few hours later and a really big circle, Kisame hid behind a large rock on the beach with Kakuzu. He looked over at the money hoarder, "Is this what a sexually frustrated Hidan is always like?"

Kakuzu hesitated for only a moment before answering, "It will get worse."

Kisame finally gave up on the land protecting him and jumped into the sea, hoping against hope that Sakura would reconsider.

Yay! Fun Fun Fun, till Hidan takes the story away!

So, I was really, really bored and I didn't feel like working on my book so I wrote this. It has no deep meaning, or long story behind why I came up with it.

This is my way of saying, "Hello. My name is WotSS and I can actually write well."

I didn't put a lot of effort into this, as I wanted to get it up before the end of New Years. So, ignore any mistakes.

This will be a one shot. For anyone that is wondering about my other….stories…. they will NEVER be updated. The only hope they have is that after I finish my book series I decide to revise them. A lot!

No actual time line behind this one. Just kind of happened.

Q/A period!

Q: Why did a lot of horrible things happen to Deidara?

A: I actually kind of like this guy. He is a lot of fun for me to play with. I happened to be watching an AMV with him as the star when the idea came, so it just sort of happened. I'm kind of feel bad for letting Hidan get him, but I didn't go into detail for two reasons. (A) I wasn't in the mood. (B) I have a tendency to make it really bloody.

Q:Who are the minions?

A:Not really sure. They just kind of popped up. We are going to pretend that I actually thought about this now. They chased the group there and when wind of it got to Sakura, she came. Then they got blown up.

Q:Anything against Kisame?

A:No. He is my third favorite Akatsuki character. First being Itachi (I have a soft spot for the guy life craps on), and second being Hidan. He is just too crazy not to love. Well, he can take it. A few broken ribs, and a messed up jaw are a lot better than Deidara's injuries.

Q:Why don't you ever update?

A:Because my older stories suck! I couldn't write a decent story to save my life back then. I wouldn't read that crap. I'm also working on a very long book right now, and it is part of a series. I love my book and I don't want to write myself out on fanfiction. I still read them, and beta, but no writing. Unless it's a one shot and I'm really bored. So, including this, there are four acceptable stories that I have written. Notice they are all done.

So, a really long authors note. Hope you liked the story. Any other questions that you have, please put in a review. I have a life, but I love to read reviews. So, let's all review!

I don't what, "I love it," or "Cool". Give me an actual review. A reason or something to work on. What you were doing that was affected by this story. Anything! If I'm going to be all happy about a review, give me more than four words to be happy about! That is doable! So, See you next time. Maybe.


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